Art, If You Just Need a Laugh....

Old Art ~ In Which I Make Fun of My Old Art and We Come Across Some Interesting Characters

Howdy, y’all!

So, the other day, I was bored, so I started looking through some of my old sketchbooks. That proved to be a terrifying experience. However, I just so happened to have my phone sitting right next to me, so I snapped some pictures of some of the craziest (and some not-so-crazy) ones, and now I am going to share the absolute glory of my old art.

Y’all aren’t ready for this.

So. This queen. I had to draw a portrait for school, so I chose one of the cartoon girls in a puzzle we had.

She looks so haunted.

She either just saw her crush or a puppy. In the middle of some kind of photoshoot.

OH THIS ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE

I was practicing how to use the different pencils and Mom let me draw a character of my choice.

That was a bad idea.

Girlfriend is DROWNING in hair.

This is a mountain. I think it’s okay. Since there are no mountains anywhere near our house, I just used the example image my art book gave me. The trees are weird though.

I have given them names now.

A bunch of leaf sketches. It was a struggle to go around the yard and find all these different types. Eventually I just gave up and drew pine straw (as you can see in the bottom right corner).

Notable doodles include:

Notice how the iris leaf has, like, zero detail.

These were all sketched on one page, as the smattering of random junk I found in the yard, featuring a starfish sand toy, two stacked Duplos, the front of a water hose nozzle, and a hunk of wood. It looked like driftwood. I haven’t been to the ocean in years. Where did it come from? No one knows.

The only personality trait this tree has is being practically invisible.

And this tree has had waaaaay too much coffee.

This is supposed to be a sketch of one of the Beanie Boos I have, but instead it is a soulless dog that looks like he’s seen things he shouldn’t have.

Shortly after reading the fourth Keeper of the Lost Cities book, I decided I would draw Tam Song. My sketchbook is massive, so I typically draw two pictures per page, and then I had the idea to draw Linh Song underneath.

I prefer Tam.

Also, I tried out two different shading techniques (since my pale skin tone is dead) and I should have done the purple on Tam and the tan on Linh. Oh well.

This page features a character design for one of my characters and a failed villain design for her. Everybody makes mistakes.

This is Lady Mackintosh. She was drawn off of a Playmobil figure. She’s one of my favorite drawings to date. She is not pleased with the opera. She’ll probably sue.

Here we see my anime phase. I got a book on how to draw anime for my birthday, so I thought, Why not? These were all drawn following the instructions. Sunny is the only one that filled a whole page, and you can tell my markers were suffering. I’m really proud of these though. They were fun to draw and they turned out pretty good!

Oh look, another school picture. This is supposed to be an illustration from King George and the Dragon. The proportions need help.

Poor little deer. Didn’t even get the chance to shine. Also his legs are on backwards.

Mermaid wearing a hat. Does this make sense? No. Did I draw it anyway? Why yes, yes I did.

This is Jasmine. She is my sister’s character. She wieldeths a sword. She is dangerous. She was fun to draw. No, she is not Disney’s Jasmine, but she’s dangerously close. That was why she was scrapped. I love her hair though.

Demon fox. Or cat. Or dog. Who knows what it was before it was cursed?

I drew these off of two of Liesl’s characters and I can’t remember if I ever showed them to her. But they look fabulous.

Also, that little stain in the corner is not from coffee or tea. It’s actually from pool water. I took my sketchbook to the pool because I didn’t feel like swimming, and I set it down far enough away so it wouldn’t get wet — or so I thought. I grab it and find out that the water puddled all the way across the pavement and completely ruined the back of it. None of my drawings were ruined, but the sketchbook sure was.

Once upon a time, I thought this was perfect.

I was wrong.

It’s called Windows because the eyes are the windows to the soul, and, as that’s the only part of the drawing in color, I thought would be the perfect title. That’s also where the name for my blog came from.

Oh look, a trainwreck.

Welp, that’s all I got. I hope looking at all my bad art boosted your confidence, or you got a laugh from the atrocities. I certainly did XD

Thanks for reading!

🎵 Love Me Like I Am by for KING & COUNTRY 🎵

Goals and Recaps and That Sort Of Thing, If You Just Need a Laugh....

Christmas Play Bloopers ~ In Which Herod Magically Appears in Asia and Hands the Magi a Scroll

Did y’all have a good Christmas? I know I sure did! I woke up at 5:00 AM to find that one of my sisters had already been up since 4:30 and then we chilled and chatted while we waited for our parents to get up. I actually got a load of stuff on my list, which was great, because that doesn’t usually happen.

What was your favorite gift? Mine is probably my new phone. It has a way better camera than my last one, so the quality of my next art post should be way better! 👏👏

Anyways, today’s post is me recounting all the bloopers from my church’s Christmas play. There ended up being a lot, WAAAAY more than there should have been, but the play was cute and, I mean, I have material for a blog post, so it’s not all bad. The play we performed was the one that was released by Answers in Genesis. It’s called Long Foretold, and the story focuses on the wise men that traveled to see baby Jesus. It was fun to perform, and I can’t wait to tell the stories I have saved up.

Actually, I don’t know what I’m waiting for. ON TO THE BLOOPERS!!

Plot and Characters

This is the official summary from the website:

“People commonly believe Christmas begins with the Savior’s arrival one starry night in Bethlehem. However, the truth is that Christmas was the culmination of a series of miraculous events long foretold.

“In this delightful children’s program, many questions are answered as the wise men discover the truth about the bright shining star they are following. Were these kings? How many were there? How did they know to look for the star? Were the wise men at the nativity? And most importantly, what was so special about this baby? To find the answers, we must look at what Scripture teaches . . . and we start in Genesis! Your church will love it!”

Yeah, that doesn’t tell you much, so let me summarize it in my own words.

The play opens with the Nativity scene, showing all the people who were supposedly gathered around Jesus when he was born. However, the narrator questions the presence of the three wise men. Were there three? Were they actually at the manger? And how did they know how to get there?

Next, we cut to a scene 500 years earlier, as Daniel frantically writes down a revelation from the Lord. He tells his friend Shadrach that he doesn’t understand what exactly the prophecy means, but he is following the Lord’s instructions and writing it down.

Surprise! That is the very prophecy the wise men referred to to figure out where Jesus was supposed to be born. Kaveh (KAH – vay) and Ardashir (AR – da – sheer), two of the five wise men in the play, tell Gaszi (GAH – zee) (I played Gaszi 😊) about a mysterious bright, unmoving star they’ve been studying for the past couple of weeks. Gaszi, their leader, is puzzled, and asks the eldest of the group, Mirza (MEER – za) if he knows what exactly the star means. Mirza, a very hard-of-hearing man, mentions an old scroll his grandfather told him about, and the wise men manage to find that scroll, which is the very one that Daniel wrote 500 years earlier. It tells them to follow the star to find the new king that has been born. Excited, they begin the journey, but it isn’t without its twists and turns.

Traveling through the desert for months on end means there aren’t very many good food choices. Sargon, the self-appointed cook of the group (played by my sister who is in fact very good at cooking), makes his specialty of barley bread and lamb’s tongue for almost every meal, much to the other wise men’s consternation.

Eventually, the five of them make it to Jerusalem, and are admitted into King Herod’s palace. They think they’ve finally made it to where the star was leading them, and Gaszi excitedly asks the king where the new king is. Herod is a little upset that no one told him there was a child that would usurp him one day. However, he hides his jealousy well, and calls for his chief scribes to tell him where exactly the child was said to be born. (The scribes were played by my other two sisters.) When he hears that the child is said to be born in Bethlehem, he sends the wise men out to find the child and bring him word. After they agree and leave his presence, Herod reveals that he is going to kill the child so no one can rival his rule.

Ardashir and Kaveh are discouraged when they hear that the child isn’t with Herod, like they thought. The star isn’t in its usual place, and they’re afraid that it’s gone forever. Fortunately, Kaveh spots the star in a completely different location after Mirza misunderstands what he said and attempts to whack him with his walking stick. (It’s a long story.) Ardashir is unsure whether the star Kaveh has seen is actually the star they’ve been following, but Gaszi has faith in the star, and leads the wise men in the right direction.

After more traveling, the wise men finally make it to the house of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, who has grown into a lovely toddler. They present their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, and Mary invites them in to eat food that is thankfully not Sargon’s barley bread and lamb’s tongue.

In the final scene of the play, Kaveh reveals that he had a mysterious dream that warned him not to go back to Herod and tell him the location of the child. Gaszi is astonished because all of the wise men have had the very same dream, and they all agree to go home by another path.

So yeah, that’s the basic plot. It was very scripturally based, and I think it told the story well.

Here are all the characters for those of y’all that are curious.

Gaszi: played by me
Kaveh: played by a sixth-grader that was practically the opposite of his character and voiced his concerns to us multiple times
Ardashir: played by a fifth-grader with the best deadpan in the world
Mirza: played by a sixth-grade girl who has a strong dislike for fake beards
Sargon: played by my oldest sister
Herod: played by Mirza’s older brother who can sing really well but claims he can’t (and I refuse to believe him because he sang “Hallelujah” once and he sounded SO FREAKING GOOD!!!)
Guards: played by the Shepherds
Chief Priests and Scribes: played by my other two sisters, the younger of which completely kicked her shyness in the butt and absolutely nailed her line
Animals (including a horse, a sheep, and a frog): yeah, when you tell little kids to decide what animal they want to play, apparently they just name literally any animal, hence the frog (it was a fantastic frog, too)
Mary: played by a fourth-grader who absolutely struggled with her head wrap the whole show
Joseph: he had two monologues and nailed both of them by the second month of rehearsals (and I’m still super impressed)
Jesus: played by a real toddler and is apparently so majestic, he has the power to materialize an iPhone out of nowhere to keep himself entertained
Angels: the LOUDEST kindergarteners on the planet I SWEAR–
Shepherds: played by the guards
Narrator: cheated and read his lines instead of memorizing them, but he was played by a dad, so I guess his memory ain’t that great
Daniel: played by one of my friends and he ended up being a better actor than I was expecting so thumbs-up bro 👍
Shadrach: played by my second oldest sister, who is a born actress and insane as heck

Almost all of the kids and youth members participated in the show and we had a cast of 25-ish, which was a way bigger number than I anticipated. The directors were my mother and Herod and Mirza and Jesus’ mother, both harried as heck and yet managed to pull themselves together every Sunday afternoon for rehearsal. Good job ladies.

The interesting thing about this show is that the script had song suggestions that were practically impossible to pull off, SO the directors just added their own songs in. There were six songs, two of which were solos, two of which were sung by a group, and two of which were sung by everybody.

Okay, I think that’s all the important information about the show, so now I can list all of the stuff that happened during the performance.

Stuff That Happened During the Performance

SCENE ONE

1. We had to get backstage 15 minutes before the show started, and when you shove 20 people into a backstage area no wider than half a hallway, you have a recipe for disaster. And when half of those 20 people are PRESCHOOLERS, you’re in for a nightmare. They would not shut up, and just about gave Mirza’s actress a stroke. It was a real struggle to not laugh.

Also, one of the shepherds apparently had to inability to leave the light switch alone, so every now and then the light would go poof and then we would have Herod’s actor yelling at us to stop playing with the lights. (He’s kind of scary when he yells, NGL.)

After the preschoolers went on stage, we wise men all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

2. It’s really hard to not laugh when preschoolers are singing Away In a Manger, and the director tells them to sing a little louder. Had they had mics, they would have blown the roof off. Thankfully they didn’t have mics, but I felt the foundation of the church vibrate a little.

3. I also really liked the angels’ line, because only one of them knew it well enough, so she was the spokesperson for the group. And if any of the angels looked like angels, it would be her.

4. The shepherds/guards were played by the angel’s older brother and the one we call Ping-Pong Master. He was bestowed that nickname because I saw him smoke his older brother at ping-pong before church one week, and I haven’t seen him lose once. He gets a little offended if I call him by his real name, so he is called Ping-Pong Master.

5. So, I’m looking through the script as I write this post to make sure I don’t miss anything, and I’m just now realizing that the wise men were supposed to join the Nativity HOLDING THEIR GIFTS and we didn’t do that AT ALL during rehearsals or the performance, so I guess the Magi were just at the manger with nothing to give Jesus. Duh!

6. The animals were played by preschoolers and they could not remember their cue for anything, even after my mom printed out an animal poster to cue them. They were a little half-hearted, then they regained their courage and belted out their “Baa!”, “Neigh!!”, and “Ribbit.” while the narrator was saying his next line. It was cute though.

7. Baby Jesus was played by a doll swaddled rather aggressively in a massive blanket. Mary kept leaving him on the floor and the boys almost stepped on him multiple times. It’s a miracle Herod didn’t just come along and stomp on him.

8. There’s a part in the script where Mary is supposed to hold up her doll Jesus to show that he is, in fact, present for his birth, and it took all I had in me to not burst out with “NAAAAAAJIVENIAAAAAAVOVOEECHEEVAVA!!!!!”

(I did it multiple times in rehearsals though.)

9. I just get a kick out of the part where the narrator questions if the wise men were actually at the manger, and the Magi just question themselves too, as if they WEREN’T ACTUALLY AWARE THEY WERE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE

10. During the entire show, the college kids were in the back controlling the stage lights and the sound, and for whatever reason, the lights took forever to turn back on at the start of every scene. The suspense was terrible.

11. After the first scene, all the little kids went offstage to sit with their parents, since they didn’t have to be onstage until the end of the show. It was loud.

12. Daniel needed a scroll to write on for his scene, and he almost forgot to put it on his side of the stage which would have been awkward and not any fun. (FORESHADOWING) Fortunately, I realized a couple minutes before the show started, and rushed it over to them. They were grateful.

13. WHY ARE LITTLE KIDS SO GIGGLY

14. WHY AM I SO GIGGLY

SCENE TWO

15. My favorite part of the whole show were the parts that Mirza was in. Mirza is an old, deaf man and most of the comic relief of the show. His actress did very well.

16. Mirza’s cane was a massive walking stick made by the director’s husband. He apparently carved a little face at the top which looks super derpy and was hard to ignore when I felt the extreme urge to laugh.

17. I’ve been acting since I was six, and I’ve picked up a few techniques over the years, the most helpful one being my ability to improv. The narrator had a long line before the scene started, and I was supposed to be “talking” to Mirza, so I just improvised a story about a wise man that didn’t know how to sort scrolls.

KNOWLEDGE

18. We did the first couple of scenes so many times in rehearsal, that I had them memorized almost word-for-word. However, the last couple of scenes we didn’t rehearse that much, and those were the ones with the most mistakes.

I can still hear the way my voice sounded in the second scene. I think it’s gonna haunt me forever.

19. Ardashir forgot to turn on his mic for his first line, so nobody could hear him, but after we sent him enough death glares, he remembered to turn it on.

20. Kaveh, the king of the scrolls, FORGOT HIS SCROLL WHEN HE CAME OUT, so Herod had to rush onstage and hand me the scroll I was supposed to read, which was really hard to not laugh at. I should have said something witty there. Regrets.

21. The two highschool boys in the youth group performed “O Holy Night” on piano and guitar and it sounded so good! Although, it’s my favorite hymn, so maybe I’m a little biased. . . .

22. I was doing sign language to “O Holy Night” while they played, because it was boring backstage, and Kaveh and Ardashir attempted to mimic me, with mixed results.

23. The shepherds had to change their costumes so they could be guards in scene four, but one of them (not Ping-Pong Master, the other one) had his mom dress him, and she tied the strings for his neckline in a knot so tight, he couldn’t undo it to get the robe over his head. I attempted to help, but I had to abandon the project so I wouldn’t miss my cue.

They eventually got it undone before his scene, which was good, because it would have been weird to have a guard in a shepherd’s robe.

SCENE THREE

24. This was the first scene with Sargon, the “cook”, and he just always lugs around a massive pot and spoon, which was comical. Also, there was a wire butterfly backstage for whatever reason, and the little kids attempted to cook it. They also attempted to cook the puppet that has no business existing, but does anyway, but I wasn’t in the mood for cannibalism, so I stopped them.

25. Mirza’s actress was constantly reminding us that she had to come onstage last because she was “old”. Until the last scene, but you’ll have to wait for that story.

26. The narrator had a little monologue while we were onstage doing nothing, so I peeked into Sargon’s pot to see what he was cooking, and he waved his spoon at me, which was scarier than it sounds.

SCENE FOUR

27. During all our rehearsals, we used a folding chair for Herod’s throne, but for the performance, they literally brought in a rather fancy throne-like chair, which looked very heavy. I have no idea how heavy it is because I never saw Herod carrying it, but it sure looked heavy.

28. Can we just get a cheer for cheap crowns?

29. We didn’t have face mics, so we had to use handheld mics. The sound techs put a mic stand next to the door to backstage, and we had to grab a mic every time we entered so the audience could hear us. I had a mini heart attack when I saw that Kaveh didn’t have a mic, until I remembered that he was just there for moral support and he didn’t say a word in the entire scene.

30. Eye contact with guys is weird.

31. Herod FORGOT HIS LINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE AND DID NOTHING TO COVER IT UP, so he just stood there, smiled in embarrassment, and went, “Oh, shoot.” and completely broke character, until Ardashir mouthed the line, and he remembered. He literally had seven lines in the whole show, and it took him four months to memorize all of them, and yet HE STILL FORGOT!!!!!

32. MY SISTER, eight years old and deathly shy, said her line so loud and clear that she almost didn’t need her mic. I was proud of her.

33. There was a part where the director wanted Herod to put his arms around our shoulders and get real chummy with us, and when we first rehearsed it, I could feel the discomfort radiating off of Herod’s actor, and SURE ENOUGH, he didn’t touch me at all. Not that I was surprised, just a little offended LOL

34. I sang the third verse of “Coventry Carol” acapella with no mic, mostly because I didn’t need one, but also because I sound so different over a mic. No matter how many times I performed it, I still got compliments from the cast when I slipped backstage. The entire youth group claims I’m the only one in the group that can sing, but I strongly disagree. Everyone is just too shy.

We did do a sing-along of “Hallelujah” during a Christmas party which was fun, but I had to sing quieter just so I could hear the voices of my friends.

No one is tone-deaf. Just, some people need more practice than others.

35. Kaveh’s actor told me backstage that he hates playing the character that is always doubting God and Jesus. I reminded him that we’re just acting and it’s all in “The Land of Make-Believe”, which is also what we have to remind him of whenever we play Mafia after Wednesday night Bible study. He’s a sensitive soul and it’s precious.

SCENE FIVE

36. No matter how many times we practiced this scene, I still had a hard time not laughing. It goes like this:

ARDASHIR: Where do we begin this search? We followed the star to Jerusalem and even to the palace, but no child! The king looked at us like we were crazy! I can’t even see the star anymore! This is going to be an impossible task! We’re looking for a child in a city full of people. How are we going to find him?

KAVEH: We might as well be looking for a needle in a haystack!

MIRZA: Eh? What was that?

KAVEH: A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK!

MIRZA: You got a beetle on your back? Here, I’ll get it off! *brandishes cane*

I don’t know, it just gets me every time.

37. Also, during this scene, Mary and Joseph’s actors, who were backstage, dropped something, and it was very loud. I almost lost it. Mirza’s actress did.

38. There was a solo here, so we waited backstage, except we got to wait backstage right, instead of left, like usual! It’s good to switch things up sometimes. This was also the part where we grabbed our gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The gold was a box filled with those clear pebbles you can find at the dollar store (or should I say the dollar TWENTY-FIVE store) and whenever Kaveh shifted it, and went “GARAHSIHIGHAISHSLGIE” very loudly.

SCENE SIX

39. Toddler Jesus was played by the director’s adorable and well-behaved toddler son. He did very well during rehearsals, but OF COURSE he decided to be shy during the performance, so whenever Mary and Joseph were talking about their child, he was nowhere to be seen. They should have just improvised, but performing is stressful.

40. Joseph had two monologues with word counts that added up to 331 words, and he memorized them so well! I’m still impressed.

The funny thing is, Herod’s actor wanted to be Joseph, and yet he struggled with seven lines. I doubt he could have gotten 331 words before performance night.

41. When Kaveh gifted Jesus his gold, it predictably went, “GRIEIAGIGIGHIGGGELAISSEIASSHSHSHSH”

42. I almost fell on my face when I gifted Jesus my myrrh (but shhh, don’t tell anyone!)

43. During rehearsal, when Mary was carrying the gifts offstage, she dropped the gold and the little pebbles went E V E R Y W H E R E, so everyone stopped what they were doing and helped her clean up. Fortunately, there were no mishaps like that during the performance.

SCENE SEVEN

44. I thought there was a song here, but turns out THERE WASN’T, so we all started walking out to our positions for singing, but lo and behold, THERE WAS NO SONG TO SING WOOP-DE-DOO!! So instead, I rushed backstage and grabbed the scroll we needed, then dragged Ardashir and Sargon onstage with me. Unfortunately, I realized I didn’t have a mic, so I frantically signaled that to Mirza and he gained a large amount of speed and rushed back to the mic stand to get me a mic. I almost burst out laughing.

45. We wise men were inspecting a map to figure out which road we should take on the way home, and Ardashir was adamant we walk slowly in one direction then gain speeds like The Flash and rocket off in another direction.

For the record, he has terrible shortcuts.

46. The narrator started his monologue to close out the play after we’d exited, and the little kids that had gone offstage after the first scene, then came back onstage for the last song.

It was loud.

47. We sang a medley of “Angels We Have Heard on High”, “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”, and “Joy to the World” to close out the show. I still had live mics, so I held them down near my hips and angled them towards the guys standing next to me, so that bass line would be just a little bit amplified.

One of these days, I am going to command my friends to sing in front of me and tell them they sound amazing because THEY SOUND AMAZING and I don’t know why they say they don’t!!!! (!!!)

48. There’s this little girl. We shall call her Rose. She sang at the top of her lungs for “Joy to the World”, and after the show was over, the pastor came onstage to thank us for the entertainment and bless the meal we were about to eat. These were his exact words:

“[Rose] and her backup singers did an amazing job. 😄”

49. After we finished the show, Ardashir just straight up stripped on stage.

He had clothes on underneath his costume, but still.

50. We ate a meal after the show was over, and we were chatting about random stuff, and apparently I have the reputation among my gaming friends as the expert in all things Minecraft, which was unexpected, but welcome.

51. I gave everyone a high-five after the show was over, and Herod’s actor gave me a fist bump instead, so we made a turkey.

52. I used Ping-Pong Master’s real name when I told him to high-five me, and he got really mad. So I corrected myself. He started to bristle, but when he realized I wanted a high-five, he said, “Ooo, high-five!” and gave me a high-five, then walked away.

53. My least favorite part about performing is all the compliments you get afterward. I never know what to say.

Okay, wow, I was not expecting this list to go over fifty. I guess a bunch of crazy stuff happened that night. I thoroughly enjoyed myself though, because that was my first church performance in six years! In those six years I started acting in slightly more professional shows, but hey, church shows will always hold a special place in my heart. They sparked my interest in acting and taught me how to have a better stage presence, whether that stage is an actual stage or just me chatting with people.

Anyways, I hope y’all enjoyed this post! Which one was your favorite?

Love,

If You Just Need a Laugh....

Me, Out of Context ~ In Which Potential Writing Prompts!! Woo-hoo!!!

Throughout my life, I have said some strange things. Especially more often of late, as I have become the weirdest person possible.

*waves to all the writer/theater/band kids out there*

So, I thought I’d just stockpile some of the strangest things I’ve thought, said, sung, or typed.

You guys are more than welcome to use these, if you’d like. I know I will XD

Now.

On to the laughs!!

1. You should never take me seriously unless you should.

2. My sole purpose in life is to cause plot twists in other people’s lives.

3. Home is where the logic doesn’t taste weird.

4. I’m going to go visit YouTube.

(Because YouTube is definitely a person)

5. THANK GOODNESS THAT I HAVE TWENTY TABS OPEN

6. I read a letter, and you appeared next to me, and we got in a fistfight, and I’m still not sure why.

7. SQUISHED TOO MUCH

8. My eardrums are gone.

9. I’m not as shallow as I seem sometimes. 😉

(I’m not, I promise)

10. OH MY POTATO SALAD THEY’RE ALL SO CUTE

11. I am proud of my nerdemonium.

12. This egg smells like chocolate and my fingers.

13. I HAVE LIFTED MORE BABIES THAN YOU AND THAT’S A FACT

14. Don’t talk to me. I’m pouting.

15. QUICK SOMEONE FIND THE EGG

16. I’m a cricket dancing.

17. I’m willing to be eaten.

18. You can’t kill me, I live 13 hours away.

(Ah, yes, the all-powerful housethatis13hoursaway)

19. I thought my chest had a name tag, but it was just my parrot.

20. I GOT THE DOOR HAAHA

21. Wait, now he has no face.

I am concerned.

22. Don’t sit at me in that tone of voice!

23. So, my sister’s an arsonist.

24. Ooh! There’s a door!! It has a doorknob!!

25. Yay! Let’s watch old people yell at each other!

26. KILL THEM ALL (read: I have no idea)

(Because that makes a lot of sense)

27: Aggressive, my dude.

28. I may be basic, but I know a good plot when I see one.

29. AGGRESSIVE SNEEZING

30. I have plain brown hair. I also have eyes.

31. DON’T YOU DARE BLURT ANGRY NUMBERS AT ME THAT’S ALL KINDS OF RUDE

32. To be a writer, you must first be a nerd.

33. Make him ride in on a pink unicorn singing “I Like to Move It”

(I was offering writing ideas. This is the best one yet)

34. We are all munchkins living in a munchkin world.

35. It was intense in my brain.

36. Love is my favorite word.

Cupcake is my second favorite word.

Also, my hands are covered in glitter and I’m not sure why.

(My friend called this Mia In a Nutshell, and she’s not wrong)

So yeah, there you go. I hope you found something worth using in this tangle of weirdness!

Also, please don’t judge me. I am sane, I promise.

Thanks for reading!

If You Just Need a Laugh...., My Writing

A Compilation of Funny Stuff ~ In Which I Make Myself Laugh

If you scroll through my profile on the Young Writers’ Workshop (which is a Christian website for writers and the best place in the world, fight me), you will find that the vast majority of my posts are made for humor purposes. So, I thought I’d gather a few of the funniest posts (at least, in my opinion), and put them in a blog post.

For funsies.

So, without further ado, here we go!

1. My Sister’s First Parody

My sister is singing about lemons to the tune of Let It Go.

I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO SAY became LEMONS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SWEET

HERE I STAND AND HERE I’LL STAY became HERE I STAND WITH A LEMON IN MY HAND

THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY became LEMONS NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

What do I do with her?

(One of the comments read “Get her a contract and get this show on the road.” and I laughed out loud when I read it XD)

2. A Time When I Was a Mood

Me: *turns around slowly in swivel chair, laughing evilly*

Also me: *almost faceplants into wall*

(Faceplant into the wall if you feel me!!)

3. I Discover Something Amazing in Minecraft

Ooh! There’s a door!! It has a doorknob!!

-Mia Harden, 2020

(I was delirious)

4. My Brother Stars in the Humor

Bro: That was the coolest thing I’ve done since the 1960s!!

Me: What’d you do in the 1960s?

Bro: I have no idea!!

(He was born in 2006)

5. The Super-Long Skyblock Saga

Me playing Skyblock:

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

WindyWonderland tried to swim in lava

WindyWonderland was slain by MineCraftHorseM (my brother)

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Me: I GOT THE DOOR HAAHA

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Me: *hovering around lava* I have the door…..

MineCraftHorseM fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

MineCraftHorseM fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

MineCraftHorseM fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

MineCraftHorseM fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Me: I HAVE A DIRT BLOCK OH MY—

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Bro: DIE DIE DIE

Me: YOU JUST MADE ME PUSH THE VILLAGER OFF!!!

Bro: Wait what?

Me: He’s gone.

Bro:

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

*hilarious cackling*

Me: Oh shoot—

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

PrincessJewel08 (my sister) joined the game

Me: *stands on chest* This is my home.

Bro: *pushes me off*

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Sis: DUDE YOU KICKED THE SAPLING

PrincessJewel08 fell out of the world

Bro: Don’t kill me!!

Sis: Fine, I’ll kill Mia.

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Bro: GO AWAY MIA

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Sis: GO AWAY MIA

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Me: *whenever something crazy happens* I’M GOING TO MY HOUSE *stands poutily on chest*

LittleBro joined the game

Sis and Bro: *intelligently discussing houses*

Me: i fell in lava

WindyWonderland tried to swim in lava

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Bro: I just saved your life, Mia.

Me: YOU PUNCHED ME OUT OF THE WORLD

Wait, now LittleBro has no face.

I am concerned.

Me: I’m climbing a treeeeee

Me:

Me: I FELL OUT OF A TREE

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Bro: THE DOOR IS MINE

Me: NO IT’S MINE!!! I EARNED IT!!! IT’S MY MOST PRIZED POSSESION

PrincessJewel08 fell out of the world

Me: *steals cocoa beans* I HAVE THE COCOA

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Me: *stands on the door* I’m the roof.

Bro: Hi Rufus.

Me: *dies laughing*

Bro: My inventory is almost full. OF FLOWERS

Me: Yay!! I’ll take them!!!

Me: My one rose needs a frie—

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

All of us: *teleport back from the End*

Me: SWEET HOME ALABAMA

Me: AAA—

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Me: IT’S GREEN

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Sis: I’M GOING TO GO STEAL YOUR ROSES

Me: NO YOU CAN’T STEAL MY ROOMBAS

Me: Wait, I have Roombas?

PrincessJewel08 fell out of the world

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Me: *twenty blocks away*

Me: I’M OUT OF BLOCKS

Bro: I have some dirt!!

Me: Yeah! Throw it over!

Bro: *throws dirt into the void*

Me: SAVE THE ENDANGERED DIRT MONSTER

WindyWonderland fell out of the world

Thus concludes a productive day of Skyblock.

(If any of that made remote sense, let me know XD I still laugh out loud when I read this)

6. Personality Tests Know Me

Me: *taking a personality test*

Test: Do you feel that you are an unusual sort of person?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: I’M AN WRITER HONEY YUS

(I’m also a band kid and a theater kid, and all three of those rolled into one is probably not a good thing TBH)

7. Out of Context Quotes

This is a serious trend on the Young Writers’ Workshop Community, and I have quite a few.

(HorseGirl, SpeedRead, and LoudMouth are nicknames for my siblings)

“You know left, but not right.” -Dad

“Don’t check you brain out on the way in.” -Mom

“You don’t deserve to throw things!” -Mom

“Don’t sit at me in that tone of voice!” -Me

“I’m stuck on my back like a turtle!!” -HorseGirl

“No, I said Kylo Grin!” -LoudMouth

“When we get home, he’s just there.” -SpeedRead

“We must kill Hylo Pen!” -SpeedRead

“I wasn’t necessarily the one being dumb.” -SpeedRead

8. An Actual Conversation That I Had With My Brother

“Yay! Stony bacon!”

“How could you not love stony bacon? Stony bacon’s the best!!”

-Me and my brother, 2020

(Once again, we were in Minecraft)

9. I’m Still Unsure of the Answer to This One

My two-year-old brother is going around the house singing my name, and I’m not sure if I should be flattered, or fearful.

(Nothing happened, so I guess I should be flattered?)

10. I Have News For Y’all

So, my sister’s an arsonist.

(It was just in Minecraft, no worries)

11. My Brother, the Master Philosopher

You guys, my brother is a master philosopher!

“Apparently, if you jump off the edge of the world, you die!”

Who would have guessed?

(I think he was playing Super Mario Galaxy 2 when he said that, but I can’t be sure. With my brother, you never know)

12. Apparently I Can Be a Mood Multiple Times!

Me: *playing MineCraft, acting all professional*

Also me: *gets attacked by a zombie, forgets how to fight, and starts slapping everything with a raw chicken*

(Seriously though.)

13. More Minecraft Funny Quote Stuffs

Bro, playing MineCraft, looking for a Drowned, but only seeing a Salmon: Huh. He disappeared.

Me: Well, that sure is fishy!

Bro:

Me: You totally set me up for that.

(He never found that Drowned, BTW)

14. I Have Strange Cousins

My 17-year-old cousin singing “Into the Unknown”: *screams like there’s no tomorrow*

My sisters: Shut up, Jordan!!

(He didn’t, and they got mad and slammed the door)

15. My Parents Have Many Things on Their Minds (But They’re Still the Besssst!!)

Dad: OH NO!!!!

Me: *instantly concerned, thinking there might be a major spill or something somewhere* What?!!

Dad: We’re out of Reddi Whip!!

Mom: OH NO!!!

Me: 😑

16. We Take What We Can Get

Dad: *checking weather*

Weather: 20 degrees with a 1% chance of snow

Me: OH MY GOODNESS IT’S GOING TO SNOW?!!!!

(Hey, here in the South, we take what we can get.)

(It didn’t actually snow though)

17. WordPress Stars In a Post on WordPress

Me trying to figure out WordPress:

What does this button do?

OH!

Wait, what?

Ohhhh!!

Where has this been all my life?

*bangs head repeatedly on desk*

HELP!!

I did it!!

WAIT, DON’T PUBLISH!!!!

(I have mostly figured out WordPress, now. Maybe)

Here are a few funny posts from one of my snippet serieses called Queens, about twelve sisters and a bunch of sarcasm.

Queens:

MistleFoe

Alex: Is this mistletoe?

Sage: Uh, no, it’s Mistlefoe. Instead of kisses, whoever walks under it has to fight each other.

Sage: *steps under the Mistlefoe*

Sage: Uh oh. Looks like someone’s halls are getting –

Sage: – decked

Sage: *attacks Alex*

Queens:

Identical Problems

Rose: Sometimes I just feel so ugly.

Sage: Okay, now that’s just rude.

Rose: What? I wasn’t talking about you.

Sage: We’re identical twins. You expect me to not get offended?

Rose:

Rose: Yes?

Queens:

War!!

Treble: *trips*

Indi: You okay?

Treble: Yeah, why?

Indi: Didn’t you just fall?

Treble: No, I attacked the floor. *rolls eyes and walks away*

Queens:

Shopping With Sage

Tansy: Now, when we get to the store, what are you not going to do?

Sage:*sighs* I’m not going to put the Halloween masks on and chase people around.

Tansy: And if for some reason you do?

Sage: You’ll handcuff me to the shopping cart. Again.

And these next ones are from the spin-off series of Queens, Power Bros!

Power Bros!

Alex: Ben, I was thinking.

Ben: That is a dangerous pastime, especially for you.

Alex: Well, yeah. I was bored.

Ben: Shocker.

Alex: I started spelling things backward.

Ben: Why on earth–?

Alex: I was bored. Anyway, I saw your laptop across the room, and–

Ben: whAt dID yOu dO To My lApTop?!!

Alex: Nothing. But, I did discover that laptop spelled backwards is potpal, and I’m not sure what to do with this information.

LATER

Alex: Hey Sophie, wanna know how I killed Ben with a simple bit of trivia?

Power Bros!

Alex: *checking his reflection* Lookin’ fine, my man!

Alex: I know. I always look this good.

Alex: Well, congratulations! I look this good half the time.

Alex: I’m so sorry to hear that. Maybe you should just stop trying.

Alex: I’ve already tried that. My friend Ben suggested it.

Alex: And?

Alex: It didn’t work.

Alex: Well, I’m sorry to hear that.

Alex: I guess we can’t all be flawless.

Alex: It’s just a choice few.

Alex: Like you and Mason.

Alex: Ugh. Mason. He’s so stuck up.

Alex: Tell me about it. And I have to live with him.

Alex: Boy, that sucks.

Alex: I knowwwwww. He smells like Mabel.

Alex: Who on earth is Mabel? Your grandmother?

Alex: My great grandmother’s old donkey.

Alex: How old?

Alex: Dirt old. By which I mean she’s dead and buried.

Alex: Oof. What a stench.

Alex: He stinks up the entire apartment. And when he cooks, it’s even worse.

Alex: You poor boy.

Alex: I know. Sometimes I wish I could live in the mirror world with you. *wipes away fake tear*

Mason: *has been standing in the doorway this whole time* Are you…..talking to yourself?

Alex: I was until you interrupted.

Power Bros!

Sophie: *invites The Bros over for dinner with her and the monkeys*

Paul the Monkey: *is being monkey-ie*

Sophie: Don’t mind Paul. He’s a little wild.

Paul: *confused monkey sounds*

Alex: Is it safe to have a monkey around an open fire?

Sophie: *glances at fireplace* Yeah, sure.

Paul: *satisfied monkey sounds*

Ben: *is devouring food*

Alex: *starts devouring food*

Paul: *bored monkey sounds*

Paul: *intrigued monkey sounds*

Paul: *curious monkey sounds*

Paul: *excited monkey sounds*

Fireplace: *clanks*

Alex: Um….Sophie?

Paul: *annoyed monkey sounds*

Alex: Sophie, Paul is–

Paul: *impatient monkey sounds*

Fireplace: *clanks*

Alex: Sophie, you really need to see what Paul is doing.

Paul: *investigative monkey sounds*

Paul: *freaked out monkey sounds*

Sophie: He’s fine.

Alex: I disagree.

Fire Alarm: *goes off*

Paul: *slightly concerned monkey sounds*

Raging Fire: *crackles*

Sophie: Is it just me, or is it a little warm in here?

Alex: DO YOU NOT HEAR THE FIRE ALARM GOING OFF?!!!!

Power Bros!

Ben: Alex, why is the floor soaking wet and covered with muffin crumbs and ice cream?

Alex: Well, I was eating a muffin, and Florence the floor was jealous, so I dropped some crumbs for her. Then, Carl the carpet wanted some ice cream, so I gave him some. Then, they were thirsty, so I drizzled some water on top of them. Then, Celia the ceiling wanted some water, so I threw a bowl up at her, but Walter the water rained down on top of my head, and Larry the lamp laughed at us.

Ben:

Ben:

Ben:

Ben: Ignorance is bliss.

Power Bros!

Andrew: *appears in the doorway of the bathroom* What’s with the llamas?

Alex: Llamas?

Andrew: Yes. Llamas. In the bathroom. One pooped in the tub.

Alex: *snorts*

Andrew: WELL???

Alex: Ask Sophie.

Andrew: What would she know about it?

Alex: She’s the one who is freakishly obsessed with wild creatures.

Sophie: *comes out of the other bathroom* What’s with the llamas?

Alex: I think that’s a question only you can answer.

Sophie:

Sophie:

Sophie: *smashes through window* YOU’LL NEVER KNOWWWWWWWwwwwww

Alex:

Andrew:

Alex: Let’s call Animal Control.

Andrew: For the llamas?

Alex: They’re welcome to take care of that while they’re here.

Well, I hope some of those made you laugh, or made your day better! I made myself laugh while going through these XD

Which one(s) were your favorite?

Thanks for reading!

If You Just Need a Laugh...., Miscellaneous, The Animals

A Pretty Big Project ~ In Which My Goats Are Cooler Than I Thought They Were

How many people here live in a house?

*hands raise*

Okay, looks like everyone except the hobo in the back. That’s cool, bro, you’re welcome here.

Anyways, my grandparents made the momentous decision to move to our neighborhood, which is easier said than done. First of all, they lived an hour away from us, and second of all, there aren’t any vacant houses in our neighborhood.

I guess that’s what happens when you live in the country.

But, that meant they had to get a house built before they could even start packing boxes.

Thank goodness for mobile homes! Or whatever they are. I’m no expert.

They bought a gorgeous triple-wide house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It’s really nice, and the rooms are pretty good sizes.

It was an exciting day for us Hardens when the movers brought the three pieces to the yard. The site was pretty much right in our backyard, which had been chosen after much searching and some precipitation problems. (This place loves to collect rain 😑) (Not gonna lie, though, it’s nice having them about 50 yards from the house, even though that wasn’t the original plan) We all piled outside and stood (at a safe distance, of course) to watch the guys get the house ready.

Up until then, I thought that moving a mobile home to the spot was all there was to it. You just stuck the house on the site, and it was ready for living in.

That’s not how it works, apparently.

It took several days for them to get the house in place and all attached without any cracks or holes or stuff. And then, after that, GUESS WHAT?!! The electricians had to come in and electrify the place, and the carpenters had to come in and carpenter a front porch, and all those great builder-ly people had to do their builder-ly work to get the place ready.

It was a happy day for everyone when the house was proclaimed COMPLETED!!! (Mostly)

*cue the party music and confetti*

But, the next stage of moving them here was about to commence.

BOXES

Boxes are scary. I remember when my family moved when I was seven. (Or eight. I don’t remember) We were unpacking for months. And then, several years later, my mom found a box that had never been unpacked. It was like a treasure chest.

Or, a treasure diaper box? LOL

Anyways, my grandparents have a lot of stuff. A vast majority of it is delicate and/or breakable and/or has some kind of memory attached to it. A couple of weeks before they moved, before we knew the official date, me, my parents, and three of my siblings went to their house and took a whole bunch of boxes and outside furniture and put them in the shed they had put near their new house.

That was definitely not the longest day ever

And then, the Saturday before they were going to officially move to their new house, five cars, all loaded with boxes, drove into the drive.

Unloading took awhile. I got out of most of it because I had a class on Zoom. I never dreamed that school would be a fun excuse, but here we are. The house was so full of boxes. The kitchen was one massive sea of boxes, and the dining room table was piled high. It was, like, Mount Boxmore.

I’m so sorry. Puns hurt.

And then, the Monday afterwards, the momentous day arrived.

Moving day.

*heroic fanfare*

Two massive U-Haul trucks were parked in the drive for most of the day. You know, those trucks that look pretty short from certain angles, but when you step inside, it’s like Narnia on wheels? Those massive trucks.

The three movers were nice guys. They did their job well, and took great care of all the stuff. (Which is important, because the grandfather clocks my grandparents have appear to be a whit pricy) Also, one of the movers is also a paramedic. Go figure.

Quick storytime real quick!

Oh, look at that, I ended a sentence with the same word I started it with.

So, I walked outside to our goat pen, which is across the road from my grandparents house. I was just going to visit Jack, you know?

Because how on earth can you not go visit this little nugget?!!

I was in the pen for awhile, and I inadvertently herded the goats closer to the road, where they’re easy to see from the yard. Well, I left the goat pen and went to the house, where the movers were hard at work. Then, two of them stopped working, pulled out their phones, and walked over to the edge of the road.

To take pictures of these guys!

Donald and Kevin, our resident Billies. They’re pretty big, but they’re so sweet. They don’t use those horns to harm anyone except the other goats that they live with but we’re not going there. They were just grazing in view, and apparently, the movers had never been around such big goats.

So, yeah, they were famous for some time.

Actually, the guys wanted their picture made next to the goats, but it got too dark.

So yeah, that was our storytime for today, kids. The moral is, don’t let anyone hold you back from your dreams, unless it is the darkness, because the darkness is all-powerful, and is to be feared.

I’m just kidding, of course. Don’t ever take me seriously, unless you should take me seriously.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, boxes. And furniture and stuff.

It took several hours to get all the furniture into place, and the movers didn’t leave until seven or eight o’clock. And then, we moved boxes out of the kitchen to the correct rooms until ten o’clock. I was so tired out. I even had a headache, which does not happen often. But, I felt much better after a good night’s sleep.

So yeah, now our grandparents are moved in right next to us. We’ve spent a lot of our free time at their house unpacking, but it’s not horrible. There are so many treasures to be found.

Have you guys ever moved? What was that like? Do you have grandparents living near you?

Thanks for reading!

If You Just Need a Laugh....

Merry Christmas!! ~ In Which I Ran Out of Time to Actually Write a Real Post, So I Wrote This Instead

What’s up, me homies? What is that intro? Good heavens.

Anyways, Christmas is today!! *cheers* Yeah! Woo! Woo-Hoo! As you’re reading this, I’ve probably already opened all my presents, and am now raiding my siblings’ stashes. Donuts and pigs-in-a-blanket, y’know, all the feels. Being sleep-deprived, deliriously happy…..

Sorry, I’m rambling. I’m so excited!! It’s only a couple of days before Christmas as I’m writing this, and our tree is drowning in presents. Our puppy, Cookie, is incredibly confused as to why he can’t attack the colorful wrapping paper. Oh well. He’ll learn! 😅

I can promise you guys that I will be up at 5:30 AM, waiting for my parents and siblings to wake up so we can storm the living room.

Anywho, Merry Christmas, and for you folks reading this after Christmas….um…..Merry Christmas!! I hope you all have a fantastic day, and get all the things on your lists!

See ya later!

Mia

P.S. If y’all want me to show you what I got, let me know! I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging, but if it’s something you want to see, I’m all for it!